ink1 - switch
	lyrics
Sometimes, I feel so strange within myself, and to myself, that I wonder if I actually am myself. I know that sounds a bit crazy.. but bear with me. I feel as if my body, my memories, my personality, all of it is there, but as if I am once-removed from it all. watching someone else live my life with all that is me. needless to say, this concerned me. I went to the doctor, who sent me to a psychologist. shrink, if you will, who went through the whole trip of psychobabble with me. who I am, my memories, my childhood... everything. we talked it all out, and we talked about my present-day life. you know - is there anything in my life right now that would cause me to feel this way. the thing is, we really didn't come up with anything and I left therapy feeling only a little bit clearer with the fact that I really don't feel like myself. I don't feel like I'm living my life. and so, I went on. until one day I heard a theory that says that if a person suffers some trauma in their life - whether that be emotional, physical, spiritual, mental - they may be on the point of suicide, or of losing their life in one way or another, and not... just not wanting to go on. and at that point, something will step in, some other being. and the theory goes that there are these other beings waiting just for people like me, like who I believe I've become. people who don't want to go on for some reason, but rather than commit suicide they step back - spiritually, I guess - and invite these other beings in to live their lives. now the theory says that the other being is here to work with mankind in some way. to improve it, to... I don't know. to do something here. the being has come into this existing body & taken over from the spirit that doesn't want to go on in order to accomplish something. but the fact hasn't changed that I don't feel as if I am truly living my life. I feel as if I watch it being lived for me. it's like I myself am brought out at times when I have to deal with family, close friends, anything very, very personal. but at all other times, the face that looks out to the world, through my eyes, is not my own. I still had the temptation to dismiss this theory, until one night, I woke suddenly in the middle of the night and physically I was paralyzed... but mentally I was completely alert. the room was dark... there was no movement anywhere. except... through the curtains on the window, I could see a flashing, green strobe light, and I heard noise, as if a vehicle was out there. it was all very much like a street-cleaning unit. but once I acknowledged this light, mentally, it was as if everything went blank for me. not like sleeping, just as if vision was suspended in that one moment in time, with the light flashing and the sound of the vehicle's engine rumbling. and there was nothing else, for some period of time, until I came to. again, I was able to move my body and I was able to think again, but the vehicle was gone. it scared me so badly, I didn't think about it again until the next night, and I saw the same light, I heard the same vehicle, and it was on the block over. and every night for a week, that vehicle was somewhere in that neighbourhood. I tried to dismiss it as unimportant, I tried to make myself believe that the city had started using green strobe lights on its street cleaning machines, but of course that theory was blown to hell when I saw a regular street cleaning machine again, through the day. but ever since that one night I have felt as if I have a new knowledge within myself. as if I have gone on to the next step, to the next level. and I believe that that machine makes the switch for people like me. I believe that machine brings the other-worldly being to wherever someone has given up, to fascilitate that switch. and I believe that this is how the being inside me communicates with its own kind, from time to time. now of course, I have no way of knowing if this is the truth, or if maybe I've just lost my mind. all I know is... I'm afraid.